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Gentlemen Of Jackass
Episode 1 Quotes

This is the quotes from episode 1!

Bam: I mess with Phil all day and he never gets pissed off. But today is the day I'm gonna make sure he loses it.

Bam: We need a pole, Mom!

April: I don't even believe it! Are you nuts!?

Bam: Cut the god damn hole pussy!

Bam: Iron on hamburgers on every one of Phil's clothes so whatever he decides to pick there's gonna be hamburgers on it cause that's his favorite food.

Bam: No, no, no. Ape, no. You're gonna have to deal with that. That's something you're just gonna have to deal with.

Bam: Iron that shit!

Phil: Ape, how come all my shirts are like this?

Bam: We got meat in the fucking toothpaste! Phil's gonna have to brush his teeth with this shit!

Bam: Did you brush your teeth?

Phil: Yea.

Bam: Did you like the toothpaste?

Phil: Yea. What's wrong with it?

Bam: There's meat on it!

Phil: Where's meat?

Bam: Look! Meat!

Bam: Aw... It reeks too.

Bam: Just picture Phil and Don Vito together discovering what hydaulics are all about.

Don: What the fuck was that?

Phil: I don't know.

Bam: There's a pole in my room. How many kids would like to have a fire pole in their rooms? Well, I beat you to the punch you little jerks.

Phil: This is fucking nuts!

Ryan: You put ground beef in his toothpaste, he didn't complain... not once.

Bam: He didn't even notice!

Ryan: All he just said is that it tastes like beef jerkey, not mad at all.

Bam: You got the toothpaste, loved it. You got the fire pole, loved it. The hydraulics, him and Don Vito had a fucking blast. He has hamburgers on the ass of his pants and he has hamburgers on his shirt. Phil's hell day is gonna be forever.

Bam: I got his keys!

Bam: Is this where you wanted it?

Bam: Dude, it won't start! No more van.

Bam: I think I changed my mind, I want it back.

Phil: I love that van, Bam. Are you nuts?

Phil: Is this for real or is it gonna blow the hell up?

Ryan: Man, why'd you fart on my peach?

Bam: Here we are having breakfast right before Ape and Phil are gonna go to Atlantic City. Little do they know that as soon as they leave, we have 10 of the best skaters coming and we are gonna put so many ramps in this house and it is gonna be hell. Ape is gonna flip out.

Brandon: Get the fucking door Rake!

Bam: Have fun DiCamillo!

Jenn: This is April's life. See all these little things. If anything happens to any of this stuff, we are all dead.

Ryan: Why don't we do this kinda cool shit at my house?

Bam: Cause you don't have a house.

Ryan: Oh, right.

Bam: You can't touch nothing in this house.

Ryan: I got a tool belt and everything.

Bam: If Dunn has a hammer in his hand in the house something's bound to happen bad that you can't fix.

Bam: This is like a nice house and we're just totally shredding it up with skate ramps.

Tony: Aw sweet.


Tony: I love how you keep everything on the mantelpiece.

April: I hope you're having fun right now cause we could be walking into hell... the gates of hell.

Tony: Sorry April.

Bam: I don't care if it's rain or shine, we are shredding today!

April: So many cars here. Holy shit. Our neighbors are gonna hate us.

Phil: Looks like a nice big party.

Bam: You like what I do with the place?

Ryan: It's bad enough that she has to walk into her house that's destroyed but she's got Birdman standing there taking pictures of her.

Bucky: Glad it's not my house.

Episode 1 aired on 10/26/03!